Some people are just stupid about cars

"Textured Soy Protein" (texturedsoyprotein) 10/14/2014 at 13:54 • Filed to: Fat Tony

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I have a coworker, let's call him Fat Tony, who says he likes cars. But the thing is, Fat Tony is also an idiot. In general, and about cars. He drives an F-150 FX4 EcoBoost SuperCrew like the one pictured above. He makes about 40 grand a year, and pays nearly $1000/month for his truck. Which, ok, what the hell?

Things Fat Tony has said to me about cars include:

"Usually when it's time to get new tires, I just get rid of the car for a new one."

"My truck is the twin turbo, it has a chip on it, it's mostly for better fuel economy but it also makes more power."

"I've had my truck up to about 145 mph."

"I've got a $5000 chip on it."

In response to further questioning about just a tune costing $5k: "Oh they did some other stuff to it, like a thing with the intake, for more flow, for the intake of the exhaust, for the flow."

Yesterday, Fat Tony told me about how he went to the BMW dealer down the street and test drove !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! , and it was awesome. This was by far the least stupid thing he has ever said to me about cars.

But in the course of this conversation he mentioned his F-150 cost 55 grand, and he's paying "almost $1000/month for it." When I expressed shock at a damn F-150 costing that much (I didn't question why he's got a $55k truck when he only makes $40k), he pointed out that the sticker on my 135is is also around 50 grand, "and it looks like a VW Beetle."

Never mind the fact that I lease the thing and pay about half what he's paying for his truck that he will supposedly replace when the tires wear out, I make wayyyyyyy more money than him (I didn't point that out to him), and why is he talking shit about it if he just was telling me how much he liked its big brother M4?

So basically, Fat Tony is someone who talks about cars from a place so far up his own ass, that it makes no sense to even try correcting him.

Milky > Textured Soy Protein 10/14/2014 at 13:58

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I seriously doubt that thing gets close to 145mph. Considering the SRT10 Ram, the one with 500hp, is the fastest production truck with a top speed of 154mph.

Rico > Textured Soy Protein 10/14/2014 at 13:58

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My reaction to the 135 looking like a Beetle would've been "Hah imagine", and if he would've said anything else regarding my car I would've just said it can smoke an F150 any day and leave it at that.

treesmakewater > Textured Soy Protein 10/14/2014 at 14:00

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i know someone like that. "Removing my cats would give me horrible gas mileage" "my truck has a 13K redline" (just because someone heavily modified theirs for it). He knows more about cars than fat tony, but is very ignorant about most things.

Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs > Textured Soy Protein 10/14/2014 at 14:02

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That is a HUGE payment for someone with his salary.

As for the "chip", it's called a tune and costs $800 for an F-150 from Livernois, now there are packages you can get with intake, downpipes, exhaust and all kinds of other goodies and you'll be at $5000 real quick, so maybe that's what he did?

Either way, those EcoBoosts can be AWESOME with a tune, but it doesn't take away from his stupidity and use of the word chip or excessive use of the word flow.

Klaus Schmoll > Textured Soy Protein 10/14/2014 at 14:04

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$ 55K truck on a yearly income of $ 40K. I hope he doesn't have kids.

Textured Soy Protein > Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs 10/14/2014 at 14:11

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Don't forget "the intake of the exhaust"!

Textured Soy Protein > Klaus Schmoll 10/14/2014 at 14:12

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No kids, but I think he has a house, which I have no idea how he affords while also making $1000 truck payments and buying "$5000 chips" for it.

Captain_Spadaro > Textured Soy Protein 10/14/2014 at 14:14

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He probably got the truck with incentives as part of a model year end clearance event.

"Usually when it's time to get new tires, I just get rid of the car for a new one."
Sadly, I've heard a variant of this logic before. My shop service manager once told a few of the student techs about a lady who got here tires rotated at some shop (I'm withholding the name because I don't feel like being too slanderous), and this shop somehow forgot to make sure the lug nuts were tightened and torqued down before she left. As a result, one or more wheels came off. This apparently traumatized her so much that, whenever whatever car she has now needs a tire rotation, she sells it.

Also, if he thinks a 135is looks like a fucking Beetle, he needs his eyes checked.

Textured Soy Protein > Milky 10/14/2014 at 14:15

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That particular statement reminds me of back when I was a camp counselor over the summers while in college. I and another counselor guy both had Integra GSRs—my '92 I bought myself and his '01 his parents got him. He would always talk about taking highway off-ramps at 80 mph on his stock all-season tires. I never bothered trying to explain why that's not likely.

Textured Soy Protein > Captain_Spadaro 10/14/2014 at 14:19

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What, you don't see the resemblance?

And even if he got some incentives on his truck, he's still paying a grand a month for the damn thing.

TheBloody, Oppositelock lives on in our shitposts. > Textured Soy Protein 10/14/2014 at 14:22

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He has rich parents who supplement his income? Or his parents died and left him money?

Textured Soy Protein > TheBloody, Oppositelock lives on in our shitposts. 10/14/2014 at 14:24

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I have no idea, I'm generally try not to pry into people's finances. The only reason I know how much he makes is because I'm a manager and that kind of information comes up when we talk about staffing levels.

Captain_Spadaro > Textured Soy Protein 10/14/2014 at 14:29

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Heh. My next door neighbors moved recently, and they had what I'd call an 'odd' fleet of cars:
5th gen Camaro V6
Jaaaaaaaaaaaaaaag X-type
E65 BMW 750Li
previous gen ES350
old Bonneville (the first gen of the front-drivers)
and a late model (think it was a 2011 or 2012) Ford F-150 Platinum Supercrew 4x4 (easily 45-55k worth of truck)

By itself, that's not too odd, except when you consider that this subdivision is full of small townhouses and small single family homes (its not ghetto, but the houses aren't anything to write home about; build quality is blah). Taking that into consideration, spending that much on a truck when you're living in a house like this doesn't make much sense.

He likely looks at the truck as a status symbol.

OPPOsaurus WRX > Textured Soy Protein 10/14/2014 at 14:30

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my grandfather would do that. When he would need tires he'd get a new car, but with the mileage he put on it, it ended up being every 5-6 years. He would get a great trade price because the car was spotless and low miles. Also he was in his 70's (could drive fine) and that pretty much earns him the right to do as he pleases. this other clown...... Now i know not everyone can do all this stuff to their car themselves, but you should at least know what the mechanic is doing. I had a meeting and the guy couldn;t even tell me if his Range Rover was supercharged or not.

ly2v8-Brian > Textured Soy Protein 10/14/2014 at 14:33

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Very similar. The four wheels are what gives it away.

Textured Soy Protein > Captain_Spadaro 10/14/2014 at 14:37

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I'm...sorta also that guy.

I live in a small townhouse with my gf and we have my '13 135is and '99 Grand Cherokee, plus her '13 Civic. Before I moved in with the gf, I had a 1-bedroom apartment, and my 2 cars.

But I'm not doing it for the status, I just like cars, and my cheap rent allows me to have 2 of them.

Captain_Spadaro > Textured Soy Protein 10/14/2014 at 14:42

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At least you have a practical reason for doing so. These guys...I dunno.

Milky > Textured Soy Protein 10/14/2014 at 14:55

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Bro ur '92 just can't keep up wit his mad '01. Shuld of got ur parents to git u a car 2.

Textured Soy Protein > Milky 10/14/2014 at 15:00

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Sounds about right!

Saracen > Textured Soy Protein 10/14/2014 at 15:02

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I wish affordability worked like that. I'd be driving a loaded 991 Targa 4S.

MIATAAAA > Textured Soy Protein 10/14/2014 at 15:16

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Sounds like engaging with Fat Tony is like engaging with an imbecile behind a Burner account.

Best to not engage.

BigBlock440 > Textured Soy Protein 10/14/2014 at 15:38

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I mean, I'm on 50K on my tires now, could probably get 70K out of them. I know people who replace cars with a lot fewer miles.

Textured Soy Protein > BigBlock440 10/14/2014 at 15:55

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That's true, I guess I was thinking from my perspective where I've pretty much only bought performance or snow tires. Also because he mentioned that in the context of never keeping his cars very long.

Stupidru > Textured Soy Protein 10/14/2014 at 16:07

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People from Wisconsin are usually pretty fiscally conservative and modest, until you meet people like Fat Tony. This guy disgusts me

Party-vi > Textured Soy Protein 10/23/2014 at 14:08

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Gawd damn. My almost father-in-law purchased a 2014 FX4 Ecoboost Supercrew and wouldn't tell us what he paid - now I know O_O

Edit: If Tony has a house he could have refinanced and gotten the truck with that money. An old neighbor (as-in from long ago, not age-wise) did this and purchased a Lotus Elise.

MasterMario - Keeper of the V8s > Textured Soy Protein 10/23/2014 at 14:29

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I have yet to meet someone this thick...worst I've had is a friend who bought a 2004? VW GTI brand new and proceeded to tell me how it went 0-60 in 3-4 seconds...oooookay, you keep dreaming. worst part of his ownership of this car is that he did no maintenance himself and ended up having the engine destroy itself because the shop he was taking it to to change the oil was putting the wrong oil in. he had to take them to court to even get anything from them on top of that

Kevin Rhodes > Captain_Spadaro 10/23/2014 at 17:12

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Meh, I have a crappy little old 1200 sq/ft house in a middling neighborhood. Only paid $127K for it back in '01. But it came with a 2700sq/ft garage, which now has cars in it that are worth about what I paid for the house. A tiny mortgage means I can afford a bunch of cool cars. I am into cars, I am NOT into houses, and see no reason to have anything bigger or more expensive. I do wish I had two bathrooms though!

Hahayoustupidludditeshutupandgohandcrankyourmodeltalready > treesmakewater 10/31/2014 at 08:47

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I don't know about that... sounds to me like someone who is dumber than FT.

treesmakewater > Hahayoustupidludditeshutupandgohandcrankyourmodeltalready 10/31/2014 at 09:12

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he does not understand modification or mechanical limitations, but he does understand what (most) of the parts in an engine does.

the ironic part? he is currently being trained to become a Chrysler mechanic.

with that said, I think that FT and said person are both dumber in their own ways

Hahayoustupidludditeshutupandgohandcrankyourmodeltalready > treesmakewater 10/31/2014 at 09:14

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True. Mechanical knowledge means something.

treesmakewater > Hahayoustupidludditeshutupandgohandcrankyourmodeltalready 10/31/2014 at 09:18

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Seeing how he is being paid to train, it makes me wonder what I could achieve in an automotive career (i might still try, it depends on how computer science works for me).